May 11, 2013
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A Hairy Situation – 05/11/2013

Age: unknown
Category: Women Seeking Man

Butch AA bbw lesbian here, unshaven
Looking for a sexy white guy who loves to eat.
Hopefully thats you? :)

pic4pic

Hi, I’m a fatass with a hair jungle on my crotch. Come stick your face in it.

Sep 2, 2012
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“Spanking Sunday” – Chicago Craigslist, 09/02/2012

Age: 49
Category: Men Seeking Women

Seeking submissive with cute butt needing a dominant,handsome man with a firm hand for serious yet fun role play.

Yeah buddy, you’re going to be spanking. Just not what you think you’re going to be spanking.

Hint: Look here.

Look in the mirror to see who you'll be spanking. FAPFAPFAPFAP

Mar 17, 2012
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“Not a Vanilla Boy” – Minneapolis Craigslist, 03/17/2012

leather mask bondage guy

Age: 35
Category: Men seeking women

“35 year old male. stands 6′ and 185 Lbs. Single.

I seek a female to utilize the extensive collection of bondage and leather items I have collected.

safe, sane and consensual are important words to me.

Please place leather in subject when replying to avoid spam filter.

Thanks.”

Here are the leather items we’re going to use.

Feb 4, 2012
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“Flat chested and nice tushy?” – Atlanta Craigslist, 02/04/2012

Herbert the Pervert

Age: 50
Category: Men Seeking Women

“You are my dream girl! It’s funny how friends are always attracted to women with big boobs. Not me! I like small with a nice derriere. I’m not a pervert, not on the sex offenders list, nor have I ever been convicted of a crime. I am just a man who knows what he likes! I am divorced, handsome (if I do say so myself), successful, and confident. If you are younger than I am it is a big plus.”

Ladies, ladies! Single file line. Try to control yourself. Calm down! I’m sure he’ll find time for all of you. Not all at once! God. Take it easy.

Feb 4, 2012
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“white male needs to lick sweet pussy” – Atlanta Craigslist, 02/04/2012

Age: 50
Category: Men Seeking Women

Who needs a good pussy licking? Age and race unimportant. I like a lady with meat on her bones.

Let’s make this happen, baby.

girl with meat on her bonespussy licking

Jan 19, 2012
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“sick of football” – Milwaukee Craigslist, 01/19/2012

Special Ed

Age: 28
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Im a SWM 6ft3 and fit, n since it seems to be so important; yes i have a job, my own place and a car. I’m not really a bar person (not that i disaprove if you are) so i thought id try to meet someone here. Most of the posts here seem to fall into 1 of 3 catagories:

1) hook ups. No homo, but im looking for more then just sex here, and im def not looking for a 1 night stand.

2) Requests for commitment. Ok, id like to find some stability here too, but we havent even met yet, so that comes accross as weird/scarry.

3) Friends first. Sure i want to be great friends with the person im with, but im on here looking for a date not just a friend, besides as soon as a guy hears that, hes going to assume youre just going to string him along.

Id like to meet a nice girl to date, who is somewhat normal, not needing a man to support her or overly preachy. If that sounds like you id love to here from you even if youre not the barbie type. Your pic gets mine please put your favorite movie in the subject so i know your real.

Oh, and yes the title was meant to grab your attention, but yeah a guy who doesnt like football, weird i know.”

#############

1. If you say “no homo,” guess what? You’re a fucking homo.

2. What is “then” sex? Because you say you want more of it. I think I’d rather have more “now” sex.

3. Is it so hard to write out the whole word “definitely?” Wait, it probably is – I’m guessing you would find a way to put an “a” in there somewhere, i.e., “definately.” Yeah, never mind, you should stick with “def.”

4. “Accross” and “scarry?” Dude, that’s aalll wrronng.

5. I’d love to “here” from you? So I know “your” real?

6. And…I’d love to “here” from you even if “youre not the barbie type.” Wow, how noble of you. Asshat.

You should change the subject of your ad from “sick of football” to “Looking to date an English teacher.” OrĀ  a life coach that can help you figure out what women really want. Go on, give it a try. It will be good for you, I swear.

Nov 28, 2011
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“*** hot guy ** Super Handsome ***” – Dallas Craigslist, 11/28/2011

Art of Arrogance

Category: Men seeking women
Age: 27

“Hey ladies….well known handsome guy here for new Peeps to get to kno…if u like call or text… # two one four…..four zero seven….<hidden> <to> <protect> <dumbass>……name (censored) …..I writes books..Google “**** ****”…..by (censored)”

############

I’m pretty sure that’s how Dostoyevsky got girls. You know, by telling them “I writes books.”

Nov 28, 2011
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“Take me to Harrahs now!!” – Philadelphia Craigslist, 11/28/2011

Crazy Woman with Cards

Category: Women seeking men
Age: 31

“I want to use your money at Harrahs chester now…voluptuous young woman looking for older man to spoil me now….your money”

############

Did I mention that I want to use your money? Your money. Money. Yours.

Oct 26, 2011
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“beat my head against the wall” – Austin Craigslist, 10/26/2011

Run-on Sentence Tattoo Boy

“well im david im six foot black hair blue eyes i have tats so yeah um i like to read horror sci fi comedy non fiction anything by clive barker or judge dredd im a huge dork when it comes to horror metal hardcore punk comic some video games yoga i dont think ill ever find the right girl cause im cursed but thats besides the point i like to say m ugly and fat but in reality im actually good looking but who cares im not gonna be an egomaniac all in all i just dont care what people think of me its not style to care if u like or hate me thats al on you so i guess ill stop rambling andlet you do what ever good bye”

############

and then we cud run away 2gethr and we wud run on and on and on and on and on and on and on

Oct 2, 2011
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“Any normal woman out there?” – Chicago Craigslist, 10/02/2011

Picky pathetic guy

Age: 29
Category: Men seeking women

“Why cant I meet a normal date for once. Below is the great luck ive been having

1) First girl went through my phone while I went to bathroom (first date)
2) Another date said omg once every minute
3) Most recent date turns out to be of those I found jesus, jesus saved my life, etc type person which is fine but just not for me (After 1st date and becoming fb friends)
Are their any cute single normal women out there? Or do I need to turn gay?

Please sum up a bad date in the subject to get my attention. Also say go bears in the body of the email :)

#############

Summary: A date with you, you sad and pathetic man who tries to get a date by bitching about your other ones. Women are going to LOVE that. Moron.

Oh…go Bears.

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