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“Pickup Lines: Our Top Ten Favorites!” – eHarmony Advice Newsletter, November 2010 « OK, Get Serious!
Nov 13, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Pickup Lines: Our Top Ten Favorites!” – eHarmony Advice Newsletter, November 2010

failed pickup line cartoonAge: 18 – 99
Category: Men Seeking Women, Women Seeking Men, Men Seeking Men, Women Seeking Women
Original Source: http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=slideshows/view&slideshow=18

01. “WHO are you?”

02. “Excuse me, but you have something on your face.” (when she goes to wipe it, stop her and say “No, leave it. It’s beauty.”)

03. “How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!”

04. “I bet you were an awfully cute baby.”

05. “Nice to meet you. I’m (your name) and you’re beautiful.”

06. “Hi, who’s your friend?”

07. “Are you single?”

08. “What kind of dog is that?”

09. “Hi, I would love to get you a drink.”

10. “Hey, I love your shoes (or handbag or coat, etc.)”

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Seriously, THIS is the list of pickup lines that eHarmony is recommending? Who the hell is writing this advice, and how much are they paid? Because I will do the same job for the right salary, and I won’t be a freakin’ moron. Where didn’t they screw up the advice about effective pickup lines? I think the only one here that is even remotely worth using is the one about the girl’s dog, at least maybe you have a common interest in dogs there. The rest of these are a prescription for a guy getting himself blown off, and not the way he’s hoping, either.

01. “WHO are you? Because once you tell me, I plan to stake myself outside your apartment window at night with high-powered binoculars.”

02. “Excuse me, but I have something on my face. It’s called a nose, which I’m shoving so far up your poop chute to win your approval that I’ll resort to lines that are cheesier than four-cheese mac.”

03. “I’m an idiot who thinks he’s going to get somewhere with you by telling you jokes that a third grader would think was immature.”

04. “I bet you were an awfully cute baby. And yeah, that’s the reason I’m talking to you. Because you’re someone I don’t know AT ALL and I think you must have been a cute baby. Or I just don’t have anything worthwhile to talk to you about.”

05. “Hi. Nice to meet you. My name is (your name) and I’m desperate. I would like to start our interaction by putting you on a pedestal.”

06. “Hi. Who’s your friend? She’s WAY hotter than you. Rowwwrrr.”

07. “Are you single? Because, you know, unless I have a shot at sleeping with you I have no interest in anything you have to say.”

08. “I’m feigning interest in your beastly canine so you’ll talk to me.”

09. “Hi, I want to buy you things in exchange for sex, will you be my hooker?”

10. “Hey, I’m paying you compliments so you’ll sleep with me!”

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