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10 of my favorite Craigslist Dating / Marriage / Cheating / Divorce Rants « OK, Get Serious!
Feb 12, 2011
OK Get Serious Admin

10 of my favorite Craigslist Dating / Marriage / Cheating / Divorce Rants

Age: Any
Category: Some of my favorite Craigslist rants

Sometimes I just gotta give props to people who post dating, marriage, cheating and divorce raves on Craigslist. I’m sure some of them know they’re good writers, but I have a sneaking suspicion that others are simply venting for the purpose of having their significant other (or former significant other) find the ad – without ever realizing how brilliant they are, or how much someone else out here (namely yours truly) is enjoying their rants. Craigslist ad writers, this is dedicated to you, in no particular order. You’re all awesome.

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My cheating husband!!!
“Ok, so I just found out that you’ve been writing about 25 emails a day to one of your female colleagues, all signed with the words “with bated breath”. GREAT! You seem to have decided that bisexual vegetarians with questionable hair choices are more up your alley….” Read more…

Just fucking fuck me, already.
“Dear Men of Craigslist, Look, I know you men have it difficult. Women are just about impossible to understand, much less please. In a post-feminist society, you never know exactly what you should be doing. Women are bloody picky, I know we are. It can be scary, too, when women freak out about what appear to be benign issues. And men who do their best to be respectful, female-positive humans, I salute you, I do.  But please, please just fuck me already. Honestly, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I like that you want to take things slow. I can totally get behind the idea of emotional connection, but dearjesusinheaven, FUCK ME. We’ve done dinner and drinks…” Read more…

An open letter to the men who post in Casual Encounters (Tips!)
“Dear Men of Craig?s List that post ads in the Casual Encounters section,
I?ve been observing and laughing and on the verge of vomiting, so I?d like to give you a few tips to increase your chances of scoring a casual encounter, here on Craig?s List. I?ll divide this up in sections:  Section 1: Photo tips , Section 2: General ad writing tips…” Read more…

You slept in my bed last night
“ME: A guy coming home to find you asleep in my bed.  YOU: Stunningly attractive blonde slightly undressed.” Read more…

Male Villain Seeking Female Arch-Enemy
“Howdy, I’m looking for a deadly vixen to do battle with on a weekly basis. We could meet in parks, rooftops, on the top of a moving train, on top of a moving truck, on top of anything really…” Read more…

We shared a cab, you hit me in the face.
“Hi! I am almost 100% positive you remember me. I was standing in the cab line for about 15 minutes in 1 degree weather, and then you and your girlfriend ran in front of me in the cab line right as my cab, that I had been waiting so long for out in the ball shivering cold, arrived. Now I admit…” Read more…

To the beautiful lady who saw me pooping…
“Me: Taking a huge poop in the l5p pizza bathroom. You: Drunk, beautiful, Discovered that I forgot to lock the door in my haste. Look, I know it must have been awkward for you to see me in that state…” Read more…

PDA couple, section 30 row 28
“Ah, what can I say? Your obvious affection for each other was clear, even in the miserable weather during a miserable game. But a couple thoughts. To the guy wearing the orange north face and a baseball cap…” Read more…

To the guy doing my wife at my house
“To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry; I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife. 1. Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old…” Read more…

Leduc Walmart Hottie
“You were a delicious BBW with a stained white t-shirt & a half a dozen kids in tow, I was…” Read more…

2 Comments

  • This is a very funny site! Humor is hard to write and you are great. There is a fantastic series about a guy named Jack Reacher by Lee Child. Great plots and characters. Your tone, in your longer posts, sounds just like the books. Great site, thanks for sharing. Mary Mahan

  • Thanks for the kind words, Mary! I just discovered your blog because of your comments here and am enjoying what I’ve read so far.

    This particular post, I didn’t write – I excerpted snippets from “Best of Craigslist” and linked to the actual posts on CL. These all pretty much made me laugh until I cried or spewed some random beverage out of my nose.

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