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What a Girl Wants / What a Guy Wants « OK, Get Serious!
Feb 27, 2011
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What a Girl Wants / What a Guy Wants

Men's Remote vs. Women's Remote

This post is divided into three segments: 1. My dating background, 2. What – after finally playing the dating game in my late 30s & early 40s – women want, and 3. What men want (I figure I’m an authority here, right?). This post is much longer than some of my others, but if you’re either interested or bored with nothing else to do, have a look at it.

My Dating Background

In my younger days, I didn’t have much experience with dating. I was shy, and as much as I wanted to break out of my introverted shell, it was a long time coming. Throughout my first three years of high school, I was about 5′ 4″ and all the other guys towered above me.

I had played baseball from the time I was in 4th grade until my freshman year, but I was so intimidated by the size of the other players that I didn’t even try out for the high school team. In retrospect, I really should have – I had always been at least an above average hitter and I covered a lot of ground in center field with my short legs. I was even on a team where I went from zero to hero, and the team also went from dead last in the league one year to barely losing the championship on a last-play-cloud-of-dust-at-the-plate call the next year. Now, that was not even close to being all of because of me; however, I was an important contributor and my confidence should have soared. But my inferiority complex got the better of me, and while I appreciate having parents who supported freedom and creativity, I probably could have used at least a minor kick in the ass.

My senior year, I grew. Rapidly. I went from 5′ 4″ to the height I am now (5′ 11″) from the beginning of the school year to the end of the summer. There was more a feeling of relief than anything else, but three years of being called a dwarf and a nerd took their toll, and I was now a tall (enough) and good looking guy, but I sure as hell didn’t know it.

The point is, I never had a girlfriend throughout high school. I had a few good friends, and even a few good friends that were girls, but I was always the “friend zone” guy. The sensitive guy that listened and talked to the few women I hung out with after some jerkoff broke their hearts. Again. I went to one homecoming and was asked to take the girl home less than 20 minutes after we showed up – it turned out that nobody else had asked her, and she wanted to be seen there, but she wasn’t into me at all. I went to one “Heart Hop” (Sadie Hawkins) with a girl who I really wasn’t that into, but I was flattered and did want to go to the dance – and then she tongue-blocked me when I tried to kiss her. Rejected by a girl I didn’t even dig that much…apparently she didn’t dig me that much either, but I hadn’t been informed of the “we’re just going as friends” status. I guess I was such a nerd that it was just implied. I didn’t go to junior or senior prom. Junior year, I couldn’t work up the nerve to ask anyone. Senior year, the two girls I mustered the strength to ask said no.

In college, I had one girlfriend, for three years. I was a sensitive wuss the entire time. She had an air of entitlement with her parents that always made me uncomfortable, but as far as our relationship went, she was in charge. She told her parents what was up, she told me what was up, she made the plans, and on and on. The relationship was really over after a year and a half, but apparently my testicles hadn’t dropped yet. I finally did work up the strength to end it near the end of the third year. It wasn’t pretty, but it was over. Oh, and we did have oral sex, but nothing that ever “worked” – we tried but she was too nervous to relax and I had no clue what the F to do.

Almost immediately after that, I met someone who I fell madly in love with, we were engaged in six weeks, and married in a year. And ended up being married for 17 years, most of which were absolutely wonderful. Good times, bad times, a beautiful daughter, moving up through the ranks (so to speak) with housing and neighborhoods until we had the single family house with two-car garage and huge yard on a cul-de-sac. My (now ex) wife was the first woman I’d ever “gone all the way” with, and she had cast quite a spell over me for numerous reasons, but this was certainly icing on the (cheese)cake.

Then the years passed, and the fact that I had never really had that college experience of dating a lot of people before deciding who was right for me – and frankly having some different experiences in the bedroom – it all added up to me wanting to stray. Not because of anything my ex-wife did or didn’t do; she was and still is an awesome woman. I was immature and frustrated. I did stupid things. She followed up with some stupid shit of her own, and the marriage fell apart from there, but I was the one who started the ball rolling. Sure it takes two, but I’m going to take responsibility for my share, which was quite the hefty share, trust me.

I was separated and then divorced, and the dating I never did back in college ensued. I met one woman who I ended up dating for 2.5 years, and if it had been up to me, I would have been married again. But she fell out of love with me, and to her credit she was straight up about it. It was very tough, and she was “the one who got away,” but I have a lot of respect for her and we are still friends today because of how she handled that.

After her, I basically became a complete manwhore. And discovered that I had developed a level of confidence I never had before, and that I had a pretty good BS meter, and that women tended to like me more because I didn’t care what anyone thought and was generally pretty humorous about it rather than being an asswipe (well, mostly…I have my moments, haha). I’m still a confident guy now, and I don’t really assume women will like me, but I don’t assume they won’t either. We’re all human, we have our likes and dislikes, and I’ll joke around as comfortably with a complete “10” as I will a “3.”

So, through all of this, I’ve discovered that there are pretty common threads between what women want and what men want. Of course, it’s not ALL the same, but these are the most common themes I see.

What Women Want

Women want a well-rounded man of noble character, intelligence, humor and strength.

Women want a man who is funny and sarcastic, but only to a certain point, because if it’s too much it becomes unattractive.

Women want a man who is confident but not arrogant.

Women want a man who has emotional strength, who can support them, and listen but not necessarily try to fix everything.

Women want a man who is sensitive to a point but not to a fault.

Women want a man who won’t put up with all of their shit, but who also won’t be a prick.

Women want a man who is dangerous and exciting, yet stable and nurturing.

Women want a man who is not predictable and can keep them on their toes.

Women want a man who can keep them curling their toes, if you know what I mean. (baw-chicka-wa-waaaaaa)

Women want a man who dresses well, or at least dresses in a unique manner that gives him his own sense of style.

Women want a man who is not chauvinistic, who sees them as whole people, but who has the ability to “not be so nice” and even objectify them in the bedroom, as long as that’s where that stays. Playtime is playtime.

Women want a man who is a good conversationalist, who knows a lot about a particular subject or subjects, and can teach them something.

Women want a man who knows that a woman’s best sex organ is her brain.

Women want a man who understands foreplay, and that it begins (or at least can begin) a lot earlier than any sort of touching or fooling around happens – it can start with sexy words or activities. Women love the buildup and it’s almost as important as the act itself.

Women want a man who won’t make vulgar comments, but is talented at innuendo.

Women want a man who is just mysterious enough that they can’t quite figure him out. Women want a challenge. If they don’t have the challenge, they get bored.

Women want a man who is enlightened and understands modern women, yet will still hold the door for them.

Women are very good at having both the “consistent, caring guy to date” and the “guy who rocks my world in the bedroom” at the same time. They’re also very good at hiding this from the consistent, caring guy. Anyone who tells you that men cheat more, don’t believe them for a minute. Men are just worse at hiding it. Some women will probably comment to dispute this. Those women are the ones doing the cheating. And they feel justified in doing it. I know that you girls aren’t supposed to break the girl code just like I’m not supposed to break the guy code, but since I became the sex guy instead of the consistent guy, I’ve been told a lot. I won’t reveal names, because I don’t want you breaking bad on these sexy women. 😉

Women are very, very sexual creatures and guys who think otherwise are not seeing the whole picture.

Women can lose interest over something a man didn’t even realize was wrong – whether it was words or actions – and once you’ve been moved into “the friend zone,” you’re not getting back out of it.

If men let any of these criteria slide, she will lose interest.

What Men Want

As far as I can tell, us men want three things from women:

1. You should look hot.

2. You should get naked.

3. You should not be a moron when you open your mouth. Although, if you’re hot enough and the sex is good enough, we may let this one slide, at least for awhile.


Based on the requirements of each gender, I’ve decided that from now on, you girls have to buy US dinner to get us in bed or land us as boyfriends and especially husbands. We have more work to do to keep your fickle asses happy.

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