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Lost Marbles « OK, Get Serious!
Browsing articles in "Lost Marbles"
Feb 4, 2012
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“Flat chested and nice tushy?” – Atlanta Craigslist, 02/04/2012

Herbert the Pervert

Age: 50
Category: Men Seeking Women

“You are my dream girl! It’s funny how friends are always attracted to women with big boobs. Not me! I like small with a nice derriere. I’m not a pervert, not on the sex offenders list, nor have I ever been convicted of a crime. I am just a man who knows what he likes! I am divorced, handsome (if I do say so myself), successful, and confident. If you are younger than I am it is a big plus.”

Ladies, ladies! Single file line. Try to control yourself. Calm down! I’m sure he’ll find time for all of you. Not all at once! God. Take it easy.

Sep 8, 2011
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“finger me while I deepthroat you at the park” – Chicago Craigslist, 09/07/2011

Sexy girl faking a car breakdown

Age: 23
Category: Casual encounters women seeking men

“We’ll meet in the playground, you’ll finger me and maybe eat me out and I’ll go down on you, so deep, that you may cum immediately. I’m hot, 23, brunette and love to give head. Let’s meet at the park at <street 1> and <street 2>.  msg me on aim <user name obscured to protect the mindless> if you want to do this :)”

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I can’t wait to read about the mugging at this park in the police blotter tomorrow.

Aug 3, 2011
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“It’s that time of the month…is this ok with you?” – Chicago Craigslist, 08/03/2011

Age: 29
Category: Casual Encounters w4m

“29 W female, and it’s that time of the month and i am so horny. Please be clean and disease free, age, race doesn’t matter”

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So, I have to be clean, but you’re going to bleed on anything I get near you. Got it.

Jun 25, 2011
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“let’s hang out” – Chicago Craigslist, 06/25/2011

Candy Van

Age: Not given
Category: Men seeking women

“anyone wanna go for drinks or food, or a drive or blah? Sat Night… Looks like rain…air’s a little cool..It’s about 730 pm..hmmmm”

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We’ll take a ride in my van. It’ll be fun. C’mon.

May 14, 2011
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“I will give your Feet a Massage and TLC You won’t Forget for Free” – Sacramento Craigslist, 05/14/2011

face footstool“I am a good looking man looking for Young Women/women who would like their feet massaged, worshipped, and use me as a footstool. If you are bored and would like some TLC for your feet then please email me. Besides loving feet, I am funny, witty, and fun to talk to. I do not deal with thrid party websites, so don’t bother. To prove your are genuine please tell me about yourslef and mention your shoe size. I promise that I will not dissapoint.”

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No, seriously, you won’t forget it for free. You’re going to pay your therapist a LOT of money to get over this experience.

Mar 21, 2011
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“trust me!!!” – Phoenix Craigslist, 03/20/2011

creepy craigslist stalkerAge: 22
Category: Men seeking women

“send ur pic im waiting”

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I’m (twitch) waiting (twitch)…waiting…(twitch twitch twitch) I’M NOT A PSYCHO (twitch)

Jan 22, 2011
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“nice man truefull fun” – Milwaukee Craigslist, 01/21/2011

dating moronAge: 33
Category: Men seeking women

“im open mind nice inteligent seek for my love to give all whith love inconditional im love cook camping gim sports and dance be happy outgiong i will like meet someone whith same similar values family whith like spend time together not matther what tay home whach movie or werever u up so want try # two six two (rest of number omitted to protect the criminally stupid) tex ok not man please or scam”

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im ith luk four inglish teetcher who hath lots pashinse.

Dec 8, 2010
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“I just don’t know exactly what I want” – Los Angeles Craigslist, 12/08/2010

Age: 49
Category: Women Seeking Men

“You know how – you want or crave something, but you just can’t quiet pin point exactly who and what it is ?
That’s what I want !!!
I want a sweet and naughty, a good and a bad boy and a gentleman and wild and a nice overall guy !!!
To match my personality !!!”

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I have three responses:

1. If you’re 49 and you can’t figure out what you want, you’ve got bigger problems than getting a man.

2. It looks to me like you DO know what you want. A total schizo.

3. Match your personality? Which one, Sybil?

Nov 30, 2010
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“if you aint bout games … Hit me up” – New York Craigslist, 11/30/2010

Age: 28
Category: Women Seeking Men

“hey am looking for a friendship n then maybe we could kick it to something else … I don’t nned no fake ass guys in my life .. So if you aint got nothing real in life or never been real to ure self don’t bother hitting me up.. Am a latina looking for a pr, dr, pr/blk or white male looking to get to kno me … So if interested for more info reply to dis posting … Hope to hear from ya …”

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As soon as I decipher this, maybe I’ll call you.

Nov 4, 2010
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“Is your Boyfriend out of town?” – Chicago Craigslist, 11/04/2010

dating advice blog“My gf is out of town for about a week.

Shall we help one another scratch our itches?

We both need a bf/gf substitute for the next few days, we both know the deal…let’s do this thing without any drama and just have some fun with it!”

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No, seriously. I’ve done this before and my balls itch. Help me out here.

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