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Lost Marbles « OK, Get Serious!
Browsing articles in "Lost Marbles"
Oct 19, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Pee?” – Chicago Craigslist, 10/20/2010

Age: 25
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Do you want to pee on me, or can i pee on you? ive always wanted to try, why not with you?

i know you want to too….

let me know you are real and i will send you a pic. 6’3 white guy here, looking for a SWF”

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If the relationship starts like this, it’s hard to imagine it ever having a lower point, so maybe it’s worth a shot. The hell with all the fun, excitement, crazy endorphins, dopamine and intoxication associated with new relationships. They’re going to go south at some point anyway. Nowhere but up to go with this guy. This could be a “golden” opportunity for you single women out there.

Jun 26, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Elmo today” – Phoenix Craigslist, 06/26/2010

Age: 35
Category: Men Seeking Women

“I have 3 extra tickets to the show at 2pm today. They are suite tickets.. Me and my girls are going they are 7 and 3. Interested in join us??”

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I want to be one of the muppet judges so I can heckle you for inviting some woman you’ve never met to a show with your very young children (I wonder how many years of therapy they’ll end up needing for THAT), and for having the lamest date idea of your life. Or probably anyone’s life. But at least you’re efficient; you can ruin three girls’ days at the same time.

Jun 22, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Sometimes I just sit around without my shirt” – New York Craigslist, 06/22/2010

Age: 33
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Other times I’ll watch TV, clean and organize without my shirt. Occasionally, I will look out my window only to find shirted people. Then I go back to just sitting around without my shirt.

I guess I’m looking for women who could appreciate me without a shirt. Not get jealous when I do wear a shirt, or get suspicious when I’m wearing a different shirt.

If you’re interesting in all that other boring stuff, I am all of the following: 33, quite witty, successful with a job that allows me to buy expensive shirts that I try not to wear…..

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Yes, yes I’m quite witty. Quite. What?

I’m still trying to figure out if this guy is kidding. You know, because he’s witty.

Jun 22, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Younger for Older” – Chicago Craigslist 06/22/2010

Age: Not given
Category: Women Seeking Men

“I doubt this will yield the desired relationship, but here goes.

I’m hoping to find the professor mentor type. Salt & pepper hair but not balding, decent shape but not great, shy at first but very secure with who you are. You’re 60ish, and don’t act like you’re 30ish. You also aren’t looking for arm candy. You like art, music, plays, great wine and exotic food. Along those lines I like modern art, don’t like the Monet exhibit, love photography. Like Chopin and Bach. Drink Beaujolais Nuevo and red zin. Love sushi and am developing a taste for Indian cuisine.

You want to watch me experience new things and experience them with me as if it were your first time. I should add at this time that I don’t intend for you to pay for all of this. I can support my lifestyle in spurts and don’t plan to spend anyone’s money going out all the time. I would love to grab a bottle of wine or great beer, go back to your place and try to roll sushi, perfect that curry, or just throw burgers on the grill.

We will discuss everything you want to. If I don’t have an opinion, give me a few days to read up on whatever it is, and I will form one. I am more into philosophy, psychology, and spirituality, than I am into politics and current events. I’m trying not to pay attention the whole BP thing. But if you want to get into Lady GaGa, I will show you some great sites to download music.

I want this to develop into an intimate relationship, but slowly. And most likely this will not last. We will remain friends, but know our families and friends would never accept it. You will want to protect me from myself and dry my tears when I’m sad. I will equally try to protect you from caring about me too much.

Lastly I am black and odds are that you are white. While this may intrigue you, you will soon see past it.
We will develop one of those ‘I wish I met you 30 years ago’ relationships. “

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Whoa. Somebody has daddy issues. Or masochistic tendencies. Or both.

You are setting yourself up for a relationship that won’t work, and you admit as much in your ad. The only benefit you will get from this is potentially falling in love, knowing it will never work, and then regretting a love lost.

Do yourself a favor, don’t torture yourself. Find someone with whom you have all those things you can share like love of art, music and good food…and who you don’t have to kick to the curb over family and social awkwardness, or who won’t have a grabber the first time you ride him cowgirl.

Why would anyone WANT a “wish I had met you 30 years ago” relationship? That would be an absolute heartbreaker. The only older guy (or girl) you should be seeing is a therapist to see why you actually formulate elaborate plans to beat yourself up.

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