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General Dating Ad Reviews « OK, Get Serious!
Browsing articles in "General Dating Ad Reviews"
Nov 11, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“holiday hell” – Chicago Craigslist, 11/11/2010

woman throwing drink on manAge: Not given
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Not looking to make love, I have that at home. What I don’t have at home is someone to fuck. Need someone to chill with, smoke a cigarette, drink a beer and watch a football game or just fuck. U know, kind of like when you get home from a long hard day at the office and you just feeling like doing it. Perhaps when you’re watching your favorite show or watch you work on your lap top in your heels and panties? And then enjoy a nice cup of coffee wrapped in a warm blanket, our bare bodies still warm from the hot sex…”

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Really, dude? You “make love” at home but you just want a girl to fuck on the side? Please describe the scene when you’re “making love” to your supposed-to-be-significant other. “I love you so much honey, it’s just that I can’t call you degrading names and spank you.” The really sad part is, you probably could…but you don’t talk to this woman you LOVE (riiiiiiiggghht) and don’t realize she’s probably starving for you to do something interesting sexually for the first time in your pathetic sex life.

Yeah, and women work on their computers in panties and heels all the time too, right? Moron. Well, I guess the ones you’re sending $100 for 10 minutes over PayPal are, so you can watch them on their webcams. Then they turn off their cameras, take a long hot shower to wash all the YOU off them, put on their sweats and watch 30 Rock.

If you got anywhere near these women for real, the only place that hot cup of coffee would be is in your lap or thrown into your eyes while they dialed 911.

Nov 10, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“I give you a no bs guarantee” – Chicago Craigslist, 11/10/2010

Age: 29
Category: Men Seeking Women

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NOTE FROM YOUR FRIENDLY SITE ADMIN: I know this post is long, but I felt the need to include the original online dating ad in its entirety in order to fully demonstrate what an asshole this guy is. He also posted his picture. He’s an average-looking guy with a full beard and glasses; looks kind of like a slimmer, slightly better looking version of Zach Galifianakis (“Due Date,” “The Hangover”).
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“Through my dealings with the fairer sex throughout my life, I have become completely disillusioned with females (all people really, but I’m not trying to date guys) and have now resorted to the internet in an effort to find one that I can at least tolerate for extended periods of time.

You want to know about me? I’ll tell you what I’m not.

1) I am not your father. I will not tolerate childish bullshit when you don’t get your way and I will not throw money at you to shut you up.

2) I am not your hobby. That’s why you have friends. This road goes both ways though, and you’re not expected to join me on any trips you don’t want to. I’ve got friends for that too.

3) I am not someone who puts the toilet seat down after I urinate. You’re a big girl now and if you can’t be bothered to so much as look at where you’re about to park your ass, you deserve the cold embrace of toilet water (and god help anyone around you on the road).

Here’s where we get to you. As a staunch rationalist, I realize you’re probably every bit as bitter with men as I am with your cunty compatriots, possibly having almost given up on us. My (admittedly weak) theory is you have not yet lost all hope but have simply turned to a less social lifestyle and are casually perusing the Craigslist personals just waiting for my ad to pop up so we can end our days in perpetual bliss or whatever storybook bullshit those cookie cutter girls get off on.

I am not an extremely picky guy. Being my dream girl is more a matter of the things you aren’t than the things you are.

My ideal woman

-when asked about her hobbies, has more to say than, “Like, you know, stuff,” or the always popular “shopping, hanging out, music, friends.”

-can think outside her own head and understand that while her wants and needs are her priority (and there’s nothing wrong with that), those around her have their own desires.

-takes care of herself to some degree. We can’t help certain aspects of our appearance, but if you don’t bathe regularly and have eaten yourself fat it demonstrates a fatal lack of respect for yourself that one would expect to bleed into other aspects of your behavior.

If you’ve read this much crap and are actually interested, we might just stand a chance. Send me an email that makes me think, laugh, or hope.

For the love of a God in which I don’t even believe, just someone show me you’re not all the same.”

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Sir, you are a douchebag. Let me count the ways.

1.) Hey dude, here’s a newsflash for you: Your outcomes are the result of your own behavior and choices. If you’re disappointed with your dating and relationship experiences with females – and it sounds like it is a pattern – guess what the one common denominator is? YOU, fuckwad.

2.) If you’re trying to make some sort of statement by telling her you’re not going to put the toilet seat down, you are. You’re saying “I’m the type of guy who would rather argue rights and virtues over stupid petty garbage than actually be a gentleman and do something painless that takes me an extra 3 seconds.”

3.) You are already the type of person who is disillusioned not only with women, but people in general. Yeah, women find that REAL attractive. Every girl wants to date “Don Rickles, The Sequel.” Moron. Actually, they’d probably rather date Don Rickles. He’s funny. And rich, and will die sooner than you.

4.) Call me crazy, but calling your potential date’s friends or even acquaintances “cunty compatriates” is probably not going to win hearts and minds. Or the object of your chosen adjective, for that matter.

5.) You sound like you need to get laid. Hopefully by a really offended and angry woman who fakes her way into your bedroom with false compliments and interest, then proceeds to tie you down, call you degrading names and invade your ass with a punishing, oversized dildo. But then again, you might like that, at least she wouldn’t be your typical girl, right?

6.) This is not related to any particular point of your ad, but your whole ad and most likely the rest of your life: YOU. ARE. AN. ASSWIPE.

Nov 4, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Is your Boyfriend out of town?” – Chicago Craigslist, 11/04/2010

dating advice blog“My gf is out of town for about a week.

Shall we help one another scratch our itches?

We both need a bf/gf substitute for the next few days, we both know the deal…let’s do this thing without any drama and just have some fun with it!”

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No, seriously. I’ve done this before and my balls itch. Help me out here.

Oct 31, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“i am here for serious relationship” – Chicago Craigslist, 10/31/2010

Age: 30
Category: Women Seeking Men

“Looking for a serious long term relationship with someone who possesses strong character and is goal-oriented. He must love the Lord with all of his heart,then I know he will love me with all his heart.”

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Right, because every guy who loves the LAWD with all of his heart has that kind of love for his significant other. I mean, just look at Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart and Ted Haggard.

Oct 31, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Seriously, this is it?” – Chicago Craigslist (Northwest Indiana), 10/31/2010

Snobby Girls

Age: 25
Category: Women Seeking Men

“I know that I am a great girl. I am tired of wasting my time. I am wanting to find someone that is caring, a hard worker, funny, outgoing, attractive, that doesn’t live 100 miles away. Must be single and white between the ages of 27 to 33. I am not really into partying, so if this is your thing don’t bother. If you don’t have a job or any prospects don’t bother either. Email me, and we will see.”

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Hey, if you don’t want a good guy to live 100 miles away, I have an idea for you. How about NOT MOVING TO FREAKING NORTHWEST INDIANA?

So, let’s see…you have a “between 27 and 33” age requirement, the guy has to be white bread, can’t like to party and needs to have a great job, presumably to support your arrogant ass.

“Email me and we will see”……..? Seriously? You THINK you are a great girl. You are the epitome of high maintenance bitchiness, capital HMB. You’re not interviewing lackies for some remedial job, you’re trying to find someone with whom to build a relationship. With an attitude like yours, you better hope for a self-loathing, subservient wussbag. There’s a thought…ever consider the dominatrix lifestyle? It sounds like your calling.

Oct 19, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Hummmm” – Minneapolois Craigslist, 10/20/2010

Age: 39
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Here i am” (accompanied by 3 pics of an average looking dude in Minnesota Twins garb)

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Hummmm…so the fuck what?

Oct 19, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Christian guys ONLY :)” – Minneapolis Craigslist, 10/20/2010

Age: 25
Category: Women Seeking Men

“’m just trying to make friends (for now it is enough). I don’t know why it is so hard to find somebody really cool, Christian, and with morals- it is so sad …
OK, as you notice I’m 25
– Christian ( I accepted Jesus as a savior!)
– Student
– Love my friends and spend time with them
– I am really chatty (sometimes toooo chatty, lol)
– Trying to go once or twice a year to the missionary trip. Just love it!!!!!!!!!
What else,,,,,,,, just send me email, if you have any question!”

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I just want to be friends and talk about Jesus. A lot. And I love missionary trips, which is appropriate, because if we do end up dating the missionary position is all you’re getting, and only when we plan to make babies.

Sep 20, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“MWF seeking MWM” – Chicago Craigslist, 09/20/2010

Age: 46
Category: Women Seeking Men

“I am a married white female who was hoping by now to have found a cute and confident guy for some adventurous fun. What we share would be discreet and mostly casual, but build around a genuine friendship. It’s better that way.

I am not unhappy nor unfulfilled… Just seeking something fresh and exciting. If you don’t understand this, we probably would not be a good match.”

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I’m not unhappy or unfulfilled, I just think “vow” is a silly word and I want someone new to bang me. If you don’t understand this, welcome to the 21st century, my Tiger-esque hunk of man meat.

Sep 20, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Is there any hope??” – Chicago Craigslist, 09/20/2010

Age: 37
Category: Women Seeking Men

“I’m 37 years old, attractive and I like to think that I have a nice personality. I have been divorced for 3 years and single for just about that long. The last guy that I met from CL was missing a tooth and had a skin condition (his picture didn’t show any of this LOL) Honestly, I could have over looked this if he hadn’t announced over coffee that “sex is very important” to him and he wanted to “pound” me!! I am really discouraged and I wonder if there is any hope of finding a decent guy?? Has anyone had any luck?”

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Seriously? You didn’t want to get horizontal with toothless psoriasis boy? I mean what the hell is your problem?

Sep 20, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“1 time companion” – Miami Craigslist, 09/20/2010

Age: 56
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Would like to meet an easy going lady for about 2-3 hours of companionship. I’m slim, fit, health concious, and very easy going.”

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Would like to meat an easy lady for about 2 or 3 hours…um, shit, I mean I would like to meet an easy going lady….

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