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Lonely Hearts Club « OK, Get Serious!
Browsing articles in "Lonely Hearts Club"
Oct 26, 2011
OK Get Serious Admin

“beat my head against the wall” – Austin Craigslist, 10/26/2011

Run-on Sentence Tattoo Boy

“well im david im six foot black hair blue eyes i have tats so yeah um i like to read horror sci fi comedy non fiction anything by clive barker or judge dredd im a huge dork when it comes to horror metal hardcore punk comic some video games yoga i dont think ill ever find the right girl cause im cursed but thats besides the point i like to say m ugly and fat but in reality im actually good looking but who cares im not gonna be an egomaniac all in all i just dont care what people think of me its not style to care if u like or hate me thats al on you so i guess ill stop rambling andlet you do what ever good bye”

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and then we cud run away 2gethr and we wud run on and on and on and on and on and on and on

Jul 11, 2011
OK Get Serious Admin

“10 Reasons to Date Me” – Atlanta Craigslist, 07/11/2011

Blue eyed redhead = Medusa?Age: 41
Category: Women seeking men

“1. I am attractive….but, only if I am your type πŸ™‚

2. I have red hair, blue eyes and good curves….in all the right places πŸ˜‰

3. I have my own home and a great job….not looking for any handouts.

4. I have a great sense of humor….sometimes a little sarcastic πŸ™‚

5. I am intelligent….above average.

6. I am a great kisser….it is my thing πŸ™‚

7. I am very honest….always.

8. I am fun, openminded and reliable….I do not shock easy!

9. I am a great cook….I like to experiment πŸ™‚

10. I am white and single…and somewhat particular :)”

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And listen here, boy…if you like smiley faces and ellipsis, you’re going to LOVE me. πŸ™‚ … πŸ™‚ … πŸ™‚ … πŸ™‚ … πŸ™‚

01. I’m attractive, but only if I’m your type…and you’re desperate…and your type is breathing.

02. I have a completely unshaven, unkempt, crab-infested red bush and a curvaceous stomach.

03. I have my own “hoarders” home and a great job at McDonald’s.

04. I have a great sense of humor. And I tell you this so you remember it when I go ballistic on your ass over something stupid.

05. I am intelligent…above average…for a warthog.

06. I am a great kisser…it is my thing. If your thing is being slobbered on and having my tongue forcefully jammed into your ears.

07. I am very honest…always. Like right now, when I’m telling you how attractive I am and what a great catch you’ll be getting. What? My nose always grows like this; it’s a medical condition.

08. I do not shock easy! But I do blanche pretty well.

09. I am a great cook…I like to experiment. On you. With items questionably defined as “food.”

10. I am white and single…and somewhat particular. I mean impossibly picky, bitchy and alone…but you’ll love me.”

Mar 28, 2011
OK Get Serious Admin

“Is responding quickly a sign of desperation?” – eHarmony Advice, 03/12/2011

Desperate GuyAge: Unknown
Category: Men without a clue
Original Article Source: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/using-eharmony/50663-responding-quickly-sign-desperation.html?cid=2091&aid=0323115

“I got a communication just now as I was checking out profiles, should I respond immediately or have her wait a while, I don’t want to look desperate, or does it even matter?”

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Right, because posting this question on eHarmony doesn’t make you look desperate.

Feb 12, 2011
OK Get Serious Admin

“Why are all the men on here….” – St. Louis Craigslist, 02-09-2011

Age: 24
Category: Women seeking men

“Why is it any guy you contact on here posts that they want a LTR and want to be serious and then BAM only are trying to solicit sex? I mean, seriously? Whatever happened to being honest? Are there any nice, honest, hard working, non creepy, attractive men that want what I do? A serious relationship and marriage and kids one day? Is that so much to ask? I’m a good woman with a lot to offer and I’m completely frustrated by the men on here. Sick and creepy men who want adult baby care givers and sex slaves? Seriously? Whatever happened to chivalry and kindness and wanting to find the one to spend the rest of your life with and bring precious lives into the world with?

I’m a bigger girl, but not huge. I smoke but so what?

Okay, done venting.”

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Let me answer this as simply as I can.

slightly overweight and very attractive girl

2011

fat woman smoking and pushing cart

2021

Dec 26, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Need to talk . .” – Philadelphia Craigslist, 12/26/2010

birds prevent a cat suicideAge: Not given
Category: Men Seeking Women

“I am very depressed today! I need to talk with a compassionate woman..

I am at the end of my rope. I need a friend before it is too late..”

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Because nothing says “He’s a catch” quite like you actually needing to do so when I dive off this ledge.

Dec 16, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“why am i missing my girlfriend so much and why am i so emotional about this?” – Relationship Blog, 12/16/2010

NOTE FROM YOUR FRIENDLY SITE ADMIN: The author of this blog is a friend of mine on Twitter. Her blog is actually pretty good, and you should read it: www.relationships-blog.net. I love the blog and this content is hers; I’m simply snarking about the guy who posted the question.

Age: 26
Category: Men About to Lose Women

“My girlfriend has been staying with me at my house for about a week now.she left earlier tonight cause she had to work.I live in NYC and she lives in delaware.Im gonna really miss her.we both have cried together more than once cause we know we gonna miss each other.

I don’t know how I’m sleep tonight without her being next to me.I’m gonna miss her so much cause I got used to her being here with me.

How do I stop myself from being sad until she comes back again? We only been together for a few months but we love each other and we usually talk on the phone constantly when she not here.

Im 26 and she 20.why am I so emotional and sad about this?I also was like this with my last ex girlfriend who i was with for 2 years

I have no idea how I’m sleep tonight without her being her.I just love beig around her and don’t want her to leave but she had too cause she gotta work”

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Hey bud, let’s address the problems one at a time, shall we?

1. Have you heard of verb tense or contractions? Repeat after me:

“We are going to,” “We’re going to…”
“We have only been,” “We’ve only been…”
“She has to work,” “She will have to work,” “She’s going to work.”

2. I’ll tell you what the reasons are. You’re 26 going on 15, you’re needy and attached like a barnacle to this girl, and if you can’t sleep without her there I’m going to go out on a limb and say you have mommy issues. Take a freaking Ambien and go get a hobby, my friend. She’ll stick around longer.

Dec 4, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Any guys like crazy?” – Chicago Craigslist, 12/04/2010

Age: 24
Category: Women Seeking Men

“Title says it all. I have my normal moments, I am in grad school. But I’m a girl, and perhaps slight crazier than most. I have 2 cats, I like to stay in watching movies and playing xbox or wow, and I can be an emotional drunk. On the other hand I would like to explore the city (only moved here for school) and can be a very fun drunk at times. Also I’m overweight, bbw as they call it, but would like to get into an exercise routine to change that. Just been too lazy. So If that appeals to you, put Red vs. Blue in the subject (google it if you don’t get the reference) and please include a pic, I won’t send one first.”

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I’m fat, lazy, crazy and drunk. Come get me, tiger.

Sep 6, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“I am home alone” – Chicago Craigslist, 09/04/2010

Age: 28
Category: Miscellaneous Romance (man for woman)

“and I am looking for something to do. I am 28, white, single, and live on the north side. If you have something in mind hit me up!!

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Hey Macaulay Culkin II, I have an idea. How about taking a freakin’ shower and going somewhere? I’m pretty sure you’re not going to find any willing women there in your apartment. Well, except for that inflatable one.

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