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My Cheating Heart « OK, Get Serious!
Browsing articles in "My Cheating Heart"
Mar 16, 2011
OK Get Serious Admin

“Looking for an Oasis” – Chicago Craigslist, 03/15/2011

Cheating Wife

cheater cheater penis eater

Age: 45
Category: Strictly platonic (um, really?)

“Looking for an oasis with a man who is tall, handsome, intelligent, sophisticated and funny. (it is my ad so I can be selective and go for the gold) I am happy at home, so do not want to change that. Send me an email and we can chat!”

#############

I’m happy at home, it’s just that my husband isn’t tall, intelligent, sophisticated or funny. But he has a LOT of money. Let’s go to your place so I can bounce on your tall, intelligent, sophisticated and funny penis for awhile.

Jan 24, 2011
OK Get Serious Admin

“Bored husband looking for fun” – London Craigslist, 01/24/2011

bored businessmanAge: 39
Category: Men seeking women

“Good looking professional man with great career but very boring wife needs intellectual, emotional and physical stimulation. Marriage is on the rocks, so I am looking for someone better. You should be age 25-35, attractive, slim, preferably not too tall, and most importantly interesting and educated. You can be single or married, but be aware that discretion will be required. Let’s explore London together and if we hit it off who knows? Looking forward to the most creative replies.”

#############

Because the lack of excitement in your life is your boring wife’s fault, not because you’re a fucking idiot.

Seriously? You’re not only advertising that you’re cheating, but you have a long list of your requirements for your mistress?

Your level of arrogance is matched only by your callousness. I hope your wife finds out and does the Wilma-Flinstone-style kick out, which will be fitting, since you’re a neanderthal.

Nov 11, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“holiday hell” – Chicago Craigslist, 11/11/2010

woman throwing drink on manAge: Not given
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Not looking to make love, I have that at home. What I don’t have at home is someone to fuck. Need someone to chill with, smoke a cigarette, drink a beer and watch a football game or just fuck. U know, kind of like when you get home from a long hard day at the office and you just feeling like doing it. Perhaps when you’re watching your favorite show or watch you work on your lap top in your heels and panties? And then enjoy a nice cup of coffee wrapped in a warm blanket, our bare bodies still warm from the hot sex…”

#############

Really, dude? You “make love” at home but you just want a girl to fuck on the side? Please describe the scene when you’re “making love” to your supposed-to-be-significant other. “I love you so much honey, it’s just that I can’t call you degrading names and spank you.” The really sad part is, you probably could…but you don’t talk to this woman you LOVE (riiiiiiiggghht) and don’t realize she’s probably starving for you to do something interesting sexually for the first time in your pathetic sex life.

Yeah, and women work on their computers in panties and heels all the time too, right? Moron. Well, I guess the ones you’re sending $100 for 10 minutes over PayPal are, so you can watch them on their webcams. Then they turn off their cameras, take a long hot shower to wash all the YOU off them, put on their sweats and watch 30 Rock.

If you got anywhere near these women for real, the only place that hot cup of coffee would be is in your lap or thrown into your eyes while they dialed 911.

Nov 4, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Is your Boyfriend out of town?” – Chicago Craigslist, 11/04/2010

dating advice blog“My gf is out of town for about a week.

Shall we help one another scratch our itches?

We both need a bf/gf substitute for the next few days, we both know the deal…let’s do this thing without any drama and just have some fun with it!”

#############

No, seriously. I’ve done this before and my balls itch. Help me out here.

Sep 20, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“MWF seeking MWM” – Chicago Craigslist, 09/20/2010

Age: 46
Category: Women Seeking Men

“I am a married white female who was hoping by now to have found a cute and confident guy for some adventurous fun. What we share would be discreet and mostly casual, but build around a genuine friendship. It’s better that way.

I am not unhappy nor unfulfilled… Just seeking something fresh and exciting. If you don’t understand this, we probably would not be a good match.”

#############

I’m not unhappy or unfulfilled, I just think “vow” is a silly word and I want someone new to bang me. If you don’t understand this, welcome to the 21st century, my Tiger-esque hunk of man meat.

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