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Romantically Stupid « OK, Get Serious!
Browsing articles in "Romantically Stupid"
Sep 7, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“I BETT I DO IT~BLK TEEN~BEAT THA K*T” – Chicago Craigslist, 09/07/2010

Age: 18
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Str8 single no kidz, Blk teen want get up with a Clean Healthy Lady race open…

FWB kickin it wit u sum time relaxxxin & hangout, or NSA kool wit me 2… b n Chitown

I’m clean Healthy Mobile kool 2 be around u betta be 2 n shit. U HOST OR MOTEL

U c my real pic’s & cell number….

NO MEN OR COUPLES!!!!!

Seven Seven Three~ { rest of number omitted to protect the terminally stupid }

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This ad was complete with two pictures. One of our advertising male in a backwards baseball cap and a jacket with a popped collar, and another with him wearing sunglasses about 3 times bigger than his face. And he wants you to pay for the hotel room, ladies. Please everyone, not all at once. Single file for this prize-winning catch.

Sep 5, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Need some company this morning” – Dallas Craigslist, 09/05/2010

Age: 26
Category: Women Seeking Men

“I feel really lonelly, it’s been awhile since i’ve had someone to cuddle with.Thats really all I want. If you seek the same, lets get in touch.Nothing pervy or creepy please, I’ll need to meet you in public like in a mall or something.”

#############

Three Rules:

1. You’re clueless.
2. Own a weapon.
3. Know Jiujitsu.

Sep 3, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“sleepover friend” – Chicago Craigslist, 09/03/2010

Age: 32
Category: Men Seeking Women

“miss having someone in my bed with me. (don’t miss the relationship part)

would love to meet a nice sane girl who’d like to come sleep over.

if things go well, maybe breakfast in the morning. “

#############

Would like to meet a nice sane girl who will climb into bed with a total stranger without a second thought. Spread your legs for me and maybe in the morning I’ll toast you up a nice burnt bagel. Alright – ready, set, dial! (tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick) . . . Why isn’t my phone ringing?

Sep 3, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Would love to be with another man’s wife” – New York Craigslist, 09/03/2010

Age: 35
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Have a recurring fantasy of a wild affair with a beautiful, attached lady….could it be you? Am 35, white, in shape, very good looking, in a relationship that is getting boring….Sneak away with me for a couple of hours this weekend and see where it goes….”

#############

Oh, the places you’ll go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Wrong Places!
You’re off and away!

You have filth in your head.
You have no moral thought.
You can fuck yourself
AND that wife that you want.
You’re a horny old coot. And you want booty now.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide which spouse to plow.

You’ll look up and down wives. Look ’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your pants full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too dumb to go down any single girl street.

And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down on.
In that case, of course,
you’ll still be a moron.

Their legs are opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as slimy
and creepy as you.

Oh, the places you’ll go!

Aug 13, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“BORED!!!!” – Chicago Craigslist, 08/13/2010

Age: Not given
Category: Men Seeking Women

“I am bored at work and will be at home later. Come over and hang out with me.”

#############

I have a lame job and no ambition to find another one or move up in the company. I never go out and do anything. Come over and eat frozen pizza with me and my disheveled hair, boxer shorts and not-quite-right “did he shower today?” aroma that you can’t exactly distinguish from the pizza. We’ll watch reruns of “Walker, Texas Ranger” and when we get bored we can screw on the unmade futon, as long as you’re on top, because I don’t really feel like moving.

Jul 29, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Looks – Should They Matter for Her?” – eHarmony dating advice message board, 02/07/2010

Age: Not Given
Category: Dating Advice
Subject: “Looks…they matter for HIM should they matter for HER?”
Link: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/36123-looks-they-matter-for-him-should-they-matter-for-her.html?cid=2091&aid=07211010

“My man can write me a love note like a Hallmark card, points out planets in the night sky, tells me he loves me everyday, makes me laugh, cares how my day went, is kind to my kids, has a nice secure job, would never look at another woman. This is what chemistry and long term relationships are about. Not whether he’s good looking or not. But the sexual attraction does need to be there as well, but again, that is not based on looks for me.”

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Right on, Cinderella. How worn are the pages of that fairy tale you’ve been reading every day for the vast majority of your lonely existence? I’m guessing you’ve had to duct tape that binder together more than once or twice.

Hallmark cards are nice sugary goodness for your fluffy fantasy world, but in the real world you might want your guy to be able to, I don’t know…write a check to pay a bill or leave you a note saying that he’ll pick your kid up at baseball practice after work.

But the Hallmark writing isn’t good enough for you, he has to be a walking, talking Hallmark card too. “I love you honey. Have I told you that I love you today? You’re so beautiful, at least I think you are, because it’s a little difficult to see you way up there on that pedestal I’ve placed you on.”

Your man would never look at another woman. Hang on a second, I’ll be right back….

HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Oh my god, thanks for the laugh. That’s brilliant. I haven’t heard a side-splitter like that for awhile.

Listen, woman – if your man isn’t gay, he looks at other women (and if he IS gay, you have other problems AND he looks at other men). Some have gotten good at the extremely-fast-check-out because they truly do love who they’re with, but every man appreciates physical beauty and is either good at looking or bad at looking, but oh baby he’s looking. Just because he appreciates another woman’s good looks doesn’t mean he’s going to nail her. Oh, he wants to. But it doesn’t mean he will. Contrary to your media-induced, DNA-challenged belief – if he’s looking but he’s still coming home and doing you, that is what is known as a Good Thing. Let me put it to you this way: If you’re dating or married to a guy who tells you he would never look at another woman, you should be more worried about how you ended up with a pathological liar.

He has a nice secure job? Is there such a thing as a secure job anymore? If he has a job that doesn’t make him want to shoot himself in the face, take that and be happy. If he has the ability to bounce back from losing a job to find another one, take that and be happy. If you and he can combine incomes to create a stable home and have a little money to go out once in awhile, go on a vacation once in awhile, and save a little – take that and be happy.

Secure job is an oxymoron. I know you hate harsh reality, but I’m trying to help you so you don’t end up in a cluttered, dusty 1-bedroom apartment alone with 16 cats and a bizarre mannequin that you dress up on holidays.

So, let me get this straight – he needs to be a comedian, an astronomer, a brilliant author, a mogul and a saint.

Yeah, you should be able to find that pretty easily, brain stem.

Based on your criteria, it’s painfully apparent that you have absolutely no clue what chemistry is about. I’m not so sure you have a clue what anything is about, but since you’re so good at writing fiction that you believe, I recommend politics.

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