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One Shy of a Six Pack « OK, Get Serious!
Browsing articles in "One Shy of a Six Pack"
Feb 4, 2012
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“Flat chested and nice tushy?” – Atlanta Craigslist, 02/04/2012

Herbert the Pervert

Age: 50
Category: Men Seeking Women

“You are my dream girl! It’s funny how friends are always attracted to women with big boobs. Not me! I like small with a nice derriere. I’m not a pervert, not on the sex offenders list, nor have I ever been convicted of a crime. I am just a man who knows what he likes! I am divorced, handsome (if I do say so myself), successful, and confident. If you are younger than I am it is a big plus.”

Ladies, ladies! Single file line. Try to control yourself. Calm down! I’m sure he’ll find time for all of you. Not all at once! God. Take it easy.

Jan 19, 2012
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“sick of football” – Milwaukee Craigslist, 01/19/2012

Special Ed

Age: 28
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Im a SWM 6ft3 and fit, n since it seems to be so important; yes i have a job, my own place and a car. I’m not really a bar person (not that i disaprove if you are) so i thought id try to meet someone here. Most of the posts here seem to fall into 1 of 3 catagories:

1) hook ups. No homo, but im looking for more then just sex here, and im def not looking for a 1 night stand.

2) Requests for commitment. Ok, id like to find some stability here too, but we havent even met yet, so that comes accross as weird/scarry.

3) Friends first. Sure i want to be great friends with the person im with, but im on here looking for a date not just a friend, besides as soon as a guy hears that, hes going to assume youre just going to string him along.

Id like to meet a nice girl to date, who is somewhat normal, not needing a man to support her or overly preachy. If that sounds like you id love to here from you even if youre not the barbie type. Your pic gets mine please put your favorite movie in the subject so i know your real.

Oh, and yes the title was meant to grab your attention, but yeah a guy who doesnt like football, weird i know.”

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1. If you say “no homo,” guess what? You’re a fucking homo.

2. What is “then” sex? Because you say you want more of it. I think I’d rather have more “now” sex.

3. Is it so hard to write out the whole word “definitely?” Wait, it probably is – I’m guessing you would find a way to put an “a” in there somewhere, i.e., “definately.” Yeah, never mind, you should stick with “def.”

4. “Accross” and “scarry?” Dude, that’s aalll wrronng.

5. I’d love to “here” from you? So I know “your” real?

6. And…I’d love to “here” from you even if “youre not the barbie type.” Wow, how noble of you. Asshat.

You should change the subject of your ad from “sick of football” to “Looking to date an English teacher.” OrĀ  a life coach that can help you figure out what women really want. Go on, give it a try. It will be good for you, I swear.

Nov 28, 2011
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“*** hot guy ** Super Handsome ***” – Dallas Craigslist, 11/28/2011

Art of Arrogance

Category: Men seeking women
Age: 27

“Hey ladies….well known handsome guy here for new Peeps to get to kno…if u like call or text… # two one four…..four zero seven….<hidden> <to> <protect> <dumbass>……name (censored) …..I writes books..Google “**** ****”…..by (censored)”

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I’m pretty sure that’s how Dostoyevsky got girls. You know, by telling them “I writes books.”

Oct 2, 2011
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“Any normal woman out there?” – Chicago Craigslist, 10/02/2011

Picky pathetic guy

Age: 29
Category: Men seeking women

“Why cant I meet a normal date for once. Below is the great luck ive been having

1) First girl went through my phone while I went to bathroom (first date)
2) Another date said omg once every minute
3) Most recent date turns out to be of those I found jesus, jesus saved my life, etc type person which is fine but just not for me (After 1st date and becoming fb friends)
Are their any cute single normal women out there? Or do I need to turn gay?

Please sum up a bad date in the subject to get my attention. Also say go bears in the body of the email :)”

#############

Summary: A date with you, you sad and pathetic man who tries to get a date by bitching about your other ones. Women are going to LOVE that. Moron.

Oh…go Bears.

Aug 3, 2011
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“It’s that time of the month…is this ok with you?” – Chicago Craigslist, 08/03/2011

Age: 29
Category: Casual Encounters w4m

“29 W female, and it’s that time of the month and i am so horny. Please be clean and disease free, age, race doesn’t matter”

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So, I have to be clean, but you’re going to bleed on anything I get near you. Got it.

Mar 24, 2011
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“Need the wify type” – Orlando Craigslist, 03/24/2011

Dread Gangsta ChoadAge: 20
Category: Men seeking women

“hey im looking for someone who can spend timewho likes watching moves going to the beach and just showing a men how to have fun i need some who can be foreal and not about games send me a pic with status and i promis i will send someone color age body doesnt mater wat does is your personality im not a ugly guy im blACK WITH DREADS I LIVE BY MY SELF AND IM A FULL TIME STUDENT”

#############

Because it’s “wify” to watch “moves,” go to the beach and show “a” men how to have fun. Plus, if you “foreal” he will send someone. He won’t meet you himself, but maybe he’ll send another one of his winner buddies if you’re lucky. If you know how to separate words like “timewho,” divide run-on sentences into actual coherent ones, put letters back into words that he has removed them from (as in, half of “wat” he writes), well you’re in luck girl! He wants to marry you! What are you waiting for, start shopping for your dress!

Mar 4, 2011
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“seeking younger women” and “looking for older women” – San Diego Craigslist, 03/04/2011

Dueling Dating Ads from the Same Dude

Dueling Dating Ads from the Same Dude

Age: 37
Category: Men Seeking Women

Ad #1: “my name is jef i’m 37 yrs old 5’8”tall from san diego, i’m looking for women who are under 35 yrs old from san diego plus include your photo. i am open to any ideas you have”

Ad #2: “i am looking for single women over 35 yrs old from san diego who are looking for anything they are interested in. please include your photo”

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We have learned three things from this ad.

1. This guy is trolling for any woman from any age group that will sleep with him. Except, of course, if you’re actually 35. That’s apparently off limits.

2. WHEN he doesn’t find someone who will sleep with him, he’s hoping he will have some new pictures on which he can ejaculate.

3. He doesn’t have the ability to make a decision, or the creativity to come up with anything to do. Even if you consider meeting him, girls, it’s you will be doing all the planning and decision making. Hot, huh?

He rapid-fire posted these ads right after one another, using the same age and same 2-sentence approach which tells you JACK about him except he’s 5′ 8″ and lazy.

Jef is interested in anyone who is interested in anything. Well, that sure narrows it the hell down, doesn’t it?

No wonder women hate dealing with male online dating ads.

Feb 14, 2011
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“Fill In The Blanks” – Chicago Craigslist, 02/14/2011

champagne and flowers“Hi DWM 43yrs young standing 5″8 200lbs stocky built very attractive. Wondering if there is a lady who would love to partake in a real valentine fantasy. Ok here is the scenerio. We meet at a nice motel. I tell you the room number and then go to the room. Wear you find the door ajar. So you peek in and ask, Jack are you there. No answer. So you open the door further and see Flowers and champaign on the desk. So you slowly walk further and on the bed are strawberries and whip cream. Then suddenly I come up behind you and___ ___ ____ ____ ____? Fade to black. If your interested and normal get back to me. Thanks Jack XOX”

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“___ ___ ____ ____ ____” = “ask you for spelling lessons.”

Jan 22, 2011
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“nice man truefull fun” – Milwaukee Craigslist, 01/21/2011

dating moronAge: 33
Category: Men seeking women

“im open mind nice inteligent seek for my love to give all whith love inconditional im love cook camping gim sports and dance be happy outgiong i will like meet someone whith same similar values family whith like spend time together not matther what tay home whach movie or werever u up so want try # two six two (rest of number omitted to protect the criminally stupid) tex ok not man please or scam”

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im ith luk four inglish teetcher who hath lots pashinse.

Dec 29, 2010
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“i need a cat lover!” – Las Vegas Craigslist, 12/28/2010

party cat

Age: 19
Category: Women seeking men
“Hello! My name is Effie and i am a wild and crazy cat lover that loves music and movies and models lol
Hopefully you will know the show Criminal Minds bc thats my favorite show and Matthew Grey Gubler is just such a sweet prince so if you look like him plz email me and if you dont, well i guess you still can ;}

send me ur pix and u may just receive one of me”

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Okay, I’m going to cut you some slack, young lady, since you’re still 19 and stupid. But trust me, “wild and crazy” and “cat lover” do NOT go together. You have red-flagged yourself to all men. But this guy will still go out with you.

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