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OK, Get Serious!
Jun 23, 2010
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“it’s hump day” – Chicago Craigslist 06/23/2010

Age: 26
Category: Women Seeking Men

“it’s hump day… wanna hump???

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I am the queen of rhetorical questions. And a spammer selling adult dating sites and age verification. Credit card number please. The only thing you will be humping is your pillow or a blow-up doll, but prove to me you’re 21.

Jun 23, 2010
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“send me pics of all you hotties out there!” – Chicago Craigslist, 06/23/2010

Age: 30
Category: Women Seeking Men

“looking for a cute sweet guy who wants to chat and maybe turn it into something more!! send me pics! I want to see what all the hotties of craigslist look like!

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I’m a 70-year old pic collector who’s going to delete this ad and masturbate to your penis pictures!

Jun 23, 2010
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“I WANA PUT IT IN U” – Chicago Craigslist, 06/22/2010

Age: 30
Category: Casual Encounters (man seeking woman)

“Lookin 4 a lady 2 have adult fun with its been awhile n im so horny im bout 2 explode hit me back quick i need it hopfully its u!”

NOTE: This ad was complete with four pictures of our advertiser’s manhood.

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Maybe we can plug my ears, nose and mouth and you can blow into my dick to send some of this blood back up to my brain. I’ve obviously been oxygen deprived for a little too long here.

Jun 23, 2010
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“Y IS IT SO HARD” – Chicago Craigslist 06/22/2010

Age: 23
Category: Casual Encounters (man seeking woman)

“Y is it so hard 2 find a girl that can chill and hav fun on these sites maybe sex aftr we get 2 kno each other I’m 23 Ima chef an nice thas it well talk if ur a big girl cool don b obese tho send a pic IM REAL NO SPAM an thas it”

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That’s what SHE said! Wait…no she didn’t.

Maybe your inability to fully spell out the word “why,” your sub-1st grade grammar skills, run-on sentences and schizophrenic requirements have something to do with it. Please, please sir, don’t procreate. You know those nature documentaries where the weak animal in the herd gets left behind and eaten by lions? Yeah, that’s you.

Jun 22, 2010
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“ANY ROMANTIC GUY?” – Chicago Craigslist, 06/22/2010

Age: 28
Category: Women Seeking Men

“SINGLE LADY SEEKING ROMANTIC , HONEST, FAITHFUL LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. ANY ROMANTIC GUY STILL ALIVE? PLEASE REPLY WITH A PIC AND LET START SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL.”

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Like spelling lessons. And practicing how to turn “Caps Lock” off.

Jun 22, 2010
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“BBW Available for WEDNESDAY” – Chicago Craigslist, 06/22/2010

Age: 40
Category: Casual Encounters

“Smaller BBW who is searching for some fun on Wednesday. YOU must host, prefer a hotel!!!!

Looking for daddy’s little girl to show up and catch him naked. Daddy’s “manhood” standing at attention, and his little girl gets surprised; intrigued and takes direction from daddy to make him very happy. Doing things mommy won’t do for him……”Daddy do you like your little girls new 38DD implants” Mommy won’t let you do that will she? Well your little girl will.

YOU must provide a pic first, YOU must host. YOU must have at least 7+ inches, prefer smooth/shaved, MUST be WHITE (no latino’s sorry)”

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I can’t spell YOU without spelling it in all caps. YOU got it?

I’m a smaller BBW, sort of like military intelligence, fast idle or governmental efficiency. Get the oxy, moron?

I want to pretend I’m a little girl…with 38DD implants.

I like incest and pedophiles. But don’t be Mexican, because that’s gross.

Jun 22, 2010
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“Sometimes I just sit around without my shirt” – New York Craigslist, 06/22/2010

Age: 33
Category: Men Seeking Women

“Other times I’ll watch TV, clean and organize without my shirt. Occasionally, I will look out my window only to find shirted people. Then I go back to just sitting around without my shirt.

I guess I’m looking for women who could appreciate me without a shirt. Not get jealous when I do wear a shirt, or get suspicious when I’m wearing a different shirt.

If you’re interesting in all that other boring stuff, I am all of the following: 33, quite witty, successful with a job that allows me to buy expensive shirts that I try not to wear…..

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Yes, yes I’m quite witty. Quite. What?

I’m still trying to figure out if this guy is kidding. You know, because he’s witty.

Jun 22, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“Where Are All the Good Men?” – Chicago Craigslist, 06/22/2010

Age: 48
Category: Women Seeking Men

“Needing a sensual, generous man my age who is looking for a freind and companion……I love company and enjoy being pampered with things tangable and intangable…looking for a mutual relationship-hit me with and e-mail titled ‘Generous’ “

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I’m pushing fifty. Buy me things and you can have sex with my wrinkly ass.

Jun 22, 2010
OK Get Serious Admin

“For All the Right Reasons” – Chicago Craigslist 06/22/2010

Age: 37
Category: Women Seeking Men

“When when about how i wanted my life to be, it it wasnt like this. But as the saying goes it is what it is and I cant look back.

I’m thirty nine, currently getting a divorce, and I have a 3 year old daughter. I’m a bigger woman but look good, I go to the Y almost every day and I love the outdoors. I am educated, I have a degree in business management and one in Accounting. I love cats, art, and I love to travel. I like country music and tats.

Tell me a about urself, send a pic, maybe we can do dinner someday. I promise I’m real u b too!

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY:: I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU! I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU! and no you can not come to my house to “hang”. If sex is your intention then do not emailing me because ur feelings will get hurt.”

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I’m a fatass who isn’t even through my divorce yet and I’m already looking for a new guy to make me feel better about myself. I will probably introduce my 3-year-old daughter to every new guy I meet. I love cats. If I ever go through with my divorce and live on my own, I will have eighteen of them. They will run around my cluttered 1-bedroom apartment that smells of an overdue cat litter change and mold. I’m in my late 30’s and I spell like a teenage texting champion, “ur, urself, u b.” I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU! I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU! Yeah, um, not because you asked or because you’re going to. Because I think I’m all that. And, you know, being a sexy 40 year old with 6 chins, a husband and a 3-year-old I really gotta fight ’em off these days.

Jun 22, 2010
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“My Life Sucks” – Chicago Craigslist 06/22/2010

Age: Not given
Category: Women Seeking Men

“Need someone to help me get my mind off things. I DO NOT want something sexual just a friend to get to know and talk to,we can meet too.

Be 18-22 and somewhat attractive.

Thanks.”

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Take my mind off things. Don’t fuck me, just make me feel better. Oh, but be attractive. You gotta look good. But you know, no sex for you. Be my eye candy, stroke my ego and take care of your blue balls on your own time.

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